If You Go, I Go
by Old Russian Lady
Summary: "Gonna…die..." These were the first word Red had spoken since this has happened. "No, no. No, you're not. Stop it." Nicky was crying uncontrollably thinking just how true Red's words probably were.
1. Chapter 1

_Preface: Nicky and Red have been out of Litchfield for 1 and a half years and live together in an apartment in Queens._

"Can we please watch something other than The Real House Wives, Ma?" Nicky was getting annoyed at Red constantly going through the channels and then always settling on something less than suitable for her.

"What do you propose?" Red asked giving her a side eye.

Nicky shrugged. "What about House Hunters? That show gets me excited about the future."

"You plan on getting fancy extravagant house someday?" Red chuckled.

"Oh yes! Huge mansion on the beach, helicopter pad a couple of acres away. People will have to pay me to use my side of the beach. But don't worry, you can have a share in it to." And they both laughed.

"Ok, my dear, well here you go." And Red handed her the remote. "You can watch whatever it is you'd like; I'm going to take a shower."

Red stood up but swayed a little. She paused and stood still.

"Ma, you alright?" Nicky stood up quickly and put her hand on Red's elbow to steady her.

"Yes, just dizzy." Red mumbled.

"Is it going away?"

"Yes."

A few seconds passed.

"It's gone now. That was odd." Red sounded normal from what Nicky could tell.

"Ok. Well do you need help walking to the shower?" Nicky was still concerned.

"I'm good. But thank you." Red smiled at Nicky and then walked towards the restroom.

Her steps were normal and she wasn't swaying, Nicky noticed.

Nicky, satisfied once she heard the water running, sat down and started looking for House Hunters. Sometimes, Nicky thought that she could work her ass off, save a shit ton of money, and buy her and Red and beautiful house on the beach for real. Red was always talking about how when she was younger she always said she wanted to retire on the beach. But she said that that dream faded when she got thrown into prison and now there is nothing to retire from.

Nicky was working a 9-5 job as an electrician. For once she was grateful for the skills that her job at Litchfield gave her. She was making great money and was able to support her and Red comfortable to the point where Red didn't need to work. Nicky said if she couldn't retire on the beach then she should at least have fun at this point in her life on.

Red hadn't heard from Dimitri in years at this point and for some reason that Red never found out, her sons moved back to Russia.

"As long as they don't get involved in the kind of shit I got involved with, I don't care where they are." Red would say the first and only time Nicky had brought it up.

Red and Nicky were content with it just being them for as long as it would be. Red was not interested in finding another man and Nicky swore to Lorna that she would wait for her once she got out in a couple more years. Nicky had no problem waiting because she had Red to keep her company.

'Oh, Red.' Nicky sighed aloud when she thought about how much Red continued to do for her. It was incredible to think that this woman was so loving and loyal to her for reasons Nicky still couldn't figure out. Red would always say "There are a million and a half reasons why I love you, Nicky." before bed each night. And Nicky came up with a clever response back, "And I'll love you until I can figure them all out." She loved he mother, no doubt.

Nicky finally found the channel that House Hunters was on. Oh it was the International edition, they were in Florence, Italy. Nicky remembered Red telling her about a time, before she married Dimitri, where she lived in Florence and fell in love and s engaged to an Italian man named Roberto, but it didn't work out. Red promised she would take Nicky to Florence one day.

Nicky was dozing off on the couch when all of a sudden she heard a very loud noise. A second later, she heard something that she never wanted to hear.

"Nickyyy!" Red's bloodcurdling scream came from the shower. She sounded as though her intestines had been cut out from under her. The most disturbing sound Nicky had ever heard.

Immediately, Nicky stood and ran to the shower. She opened the restroom door.

"Ma? What is it?" Nicky walked over to the shower where the closer she got the more it smelt of a hot nickel that had been in your pocket for hours.

With no response, Nicky slowly pulled back the shower curtain and that is when Nicky's heart skipped to many beats for comfort.

"Oh my God! Red! Red! Can you hear me?" Nicky was panicking.

Blood.

Everywhere.

So much blood.

Red had fallen and hit her head on the edge of the tub.

So much blood.

Nicky leaned down to feel for a pulse but had a hard time because her own tears were blurring her vision bad.

Nicky gently placed to fingers on Red's neck. The second her fingers made contact with Red's skin, Red groaned. Ok, that was all Nicky needed, some kind of response.

Why all of this blood?

"Mommy can you hear me? I need to know you're going to be okay!" Nicky didn't know what to say or what she was saying.

She reached up and directing the shower head off of Red's body and towards the back of the shower so the blood can wash away down the drain.

Blood was everywhere.

"I'll be right back, ok?" Nicky ran to find the phone and dialed 911.

"911, what is your emergency?" the operator sounded all too calm for Nicky's liking.

"My mother fell in the shower! She must have hit her head on the edge of the tub. There is blood everywhere! Help us!" Nicky was frantic.

"Ok, I've got your location off based off your phone call. That is the address where the ambulance should head to?"

"Yes! Hurry!"

"Ok, what is your name?"

"Nicky." Nicky said in a voice that shook because of her sobbing.

"Ok, Nicky are you with your mother right now?"

"Yes."

"Alright, Nicky what I want you to do is see if you can't find out just about how big her head wound is. Do you think you can do that?"

"Well she is on her back so I'd have to move her. Can I do that or should I leave her?" Nicky was in such distress she had tunnel vision and felt sick to her stomach.

"You can see if you can lean her a little bit on her side."

"Ok."

Nicky knelt down to her mother's side. She looked at her chest, it was rising and falling slowly and shallow but she was breathing.

"Ma, I'm going to move you a little bit so I can see how bad this is, ok?" Nicky didn't want to move her and risk hurting her. Nicky didn't even know if she was hurt in any other place than her head.

Nicky put the phone on speaker and set it down on the floor and explained to the operator what she was doing.

She put one hand underneath Red's side and the other underneath her back so that could lift Red into a sitting position.

So much blood.

The second Nicky started to lift Red up, she began to cry out in pain.

"Mommy its ok, I just have to see your head, ok? You're doing so great. The ambulance will be here any second to take us to the hospital so you can get all better. You'll be ok in just a little bit." Nicky tried to soothe Nicky in the best way she could while not letting her own fear get in the way of her comforting her mother.

Nicky finally got Red up high enough so she could look at her head.

Red gasped as if she were short of breath and Nicky put one of her hands on Red's cheek.

"Hey." Nicky said and couldn't hold back the tears in front of Red any longer. "You're going to be ok. There isn't anything in the world that can bring you down. You are strong. And the longer we are in this situation, the more you prove that, ok? You will be ok, I know you, Mommy." Nicky was choking on sobs but couldn't help it.

She looked into Red's eyes and saw an emptiness that had never been there before. Red looked at her and then Red's eyes filled with tears.

Too much blood to be safe.

"Oh my god." Nicky said softly in horrific disbelief. Blood was running down Red's back like a trickling faucet.

Nicky picked up the phone.

"It's big. I'm scarred. This is the kind of stuff you see in movies and the person always dies in war." When Nicky was worried, she rambled on and on.

"Well Nicky, the fact that she is still responsive at this point tells me that it is possible she will come out of this. The paramedics will be there in 3 minutes according to the GPS."

"Ok, thank you."

"She'll be fine, Nicky. With as much love as I heard you have for her when you were walking her through what you were doing, she'll be just fine." And the operator hung up.

"Gonna…die..." These were the first word Red had spoken since this has happened.

"No, no. No, you're not. Stop it." Nicky was crying uncontrollably thinking just how true Red's words probably were.

Nicky stood up to find a robe to put on her mother so she wasn't still naked when the paramedics arrived. While she was rummaging around in the closet, she heard the faintest,

"Nicky…"

And she rushed to her mother's side.

"I'm here Ma. I'm right here." And Nicky reached out a hand to gentle wash some blood of her mother's cheek and forehead.

"In...back…closet…behind..clothes…there's a safe..2..days after..you .in…prison..bring.." Red paused for a minute or so to catch her breath and gather her thoughts.

Nicky just continued to brush her fingers along her mother's cheek, to comfort her as much as possible. All the while feeling her eyes get heavier and heavier with the tears continuing to build up and fall down.

"Bring...to hospital..." Red finished.

"Of course, Ma. Whatever you need." Nicky wished she could hug her tightly.

"Nicky…with everything I am…you must know...I love you…a million half…reasons."

"Oh, Mommy." Nicky cried. "I'll love you until I can figure them all out."

There was a knock on the door and the paramedics opened the door themselves.

"In here!" Nicky yelled.

"How long ago did this happen?" the first paramedic asked.

"About 15 minutes ago." Nick managed between deep breathes.

The first paramedic set up the stretcher and the other one walked over to Red and looked her over.

Red's eyes were closed but she was still breathing; Nicky was reassuring herself of that every few seconds.

At this point both paramedics were on either side Red and were counting down to when they would lift her and put her on the stretcher.

The second they lifted her, Red screamed which caused Nicky to shudder and for her heart to break even more so which she didn't think was possible.

So much blood dripped from her head.

Every pain verbalized by Red, Nicky felt. Every pain etched on her face, Nicky felt. All of the fear in her eyes when they made eye contact every so often, Nicky felt.

Red was on the stretcher and being wheeled out to the ambulance, Nicky following behind.

Once in the ambulance, the paramedic hooked Red up to an IV and started to bandage her head until they arrived at the hospital.

Red reached her hand out for Nicky's.

"Nicky..." Red spoke so gently.

Nicky took her mother's hand in her own and rubbed her thumb on the back of smooth skin.

"If I die… I love you." A single tear rolled down Red cheek.

"Ma, if you go, I go." Nicky pulled Red's hand up to her lips and kissed in softly.

"I love you too." Nicky said as silent tears flooded her eyes.

Nicky looked at her heart monitor which seemed to have been at an odd pace. She looked at the paramedics concerned and then looked at Red, who had slipped into unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

"We have a code blue coming in in 20 seconds!" The paramedic radioed in to what Nicky assumed was the hospital.

"Copy that R-23. We will be ready in the Barron Wing." A woman's voice responded.

"What's code blue mean? What's happening? Is she ok?" Nicky had so many questions running through her mind she couldn't contain her sanity. She looked at Red who only just looked like she was sleeping and Nicky would have been convinced that she was if it wasn't for the giant gash in the back of her head.

"Shouldn't she be given blood or something? She lost so much! Didn't you see it? All that blood…" Nicky couldn't shake the heart lurching feeling she got when she thought about just how much left Red's body.

The ambulance stopped and the back doors flew open. Two men, one a nurse and one a doctor, grabbed the ends of the stretcher and pulled it out, wheeling it through sliding automatic doors.

"Is she going to be ok?" Nicky yelled while climbing out of the ambulance. Why wasn't anyone answering her? She ran after her mother. All Nicky could hear was the paramedic talking medical terms to the doctor and the doctor agreeing and understanding.

"What is happening to her mother?" Nicky called out again.

She looked at Red who still appeared to be sleeping. While they were walking, a different nurse had given her a fresh IV and was removing the bandages from Red's head. Her hair, her beautiful hair, was caked with dried blood and most of it was matted to parts around her face and ears. Her skin was extremely pale, almost blue in color. She looked dead already.

"Mommy…" Nicky whispered.

"I'm sorry ma'am but she has to be taken into emergency surgery. The waiting room is just down the hall and to the left. "The doctor was explaining, sounding calm which only frustrated Nicky.

"How long is it going to take?" Nicky was frantic once again but relieved that finally someone was talking to her.

"We won't know exactly until we are able to get in there and exam the wound and see the entirety of the damage. My estimation is about 3 or 4 hours."

"Oh my God. Oh my God. Ok, ok, umm…is she going to be ok?"

"Again, ma'am that isn't something we will know until we are able to examine the wound and its damage in full." The doctor replied politely.

"When can I see her?" Nicky was desperate to see her mother the moment she left the ambulance just 3 or so minutes ago.

"If the surgery goes well, I would imagine shortly after she gets settled into the recovery room."

"Will she be awake?"

"That I do not know. Her state of mind and any brain damage she may have, and probably did suffer, whether it be temporary or permanent, will only be known to s once she is awake and alert. And that is what is unknown. I am sorry I cannot offer you any more information. I must go and begin the surgery." And just like that, the doctor left Nicky standing in the hallway.

Brain damage? Permanent? Nicky was not in a good way. Her mind kept repeating those words to herself. The moment the doctor said brain damage, everything else became fuzzy. The moment he said permanent, the refocused and became even more fuzzy.

Nicky felt dizzy herself and light headed. She decided it was best to go and sit and wait.

She reached the waiting room and sat down in the chair facing the door so she could immediately see once the doctor walked back in.

She had no words. She almost had no thoughts. Nicky had never felt so numb. It was the kind of feeling that she couldn't know what it feels like until it hit her. Like a dark and deep cold hole was carved out of her heart. A hollow and paralyzing type of cold and empty feeling that started within her core and rose to her surface to be seen as she wore the expression so openly on her face which portrayed, to any onlooker, as though she were told she was dying faster than they had expected. Red was her lifeline in a very serious way and Nicky meant it when she told Red if she goes then Nicky will go too.

Nicky looked at the clock.

12:04am.

Yesterday at 12:04am, Nicky was asleep in her bed and Red was asleep in her bed. They usually call it a night around 11 or so.

There was so much blood.

That is the one thing Nicky could not shake from her mind. She was sure that she never would be able to. How traumatizing it was to find her mother practically dead, lying on the shower floor with an unnerving amount of blood leaking from the back of her head. Nicky literally got cold from this thought and got up to ask the nurse at the nurse's station if she could have one of those heated blankets.

Nicky took the blanket that was being handed to her, thanked the nurse, and returned to the chair in the waiting room. She wrapped the giant blanket around her shoulders and pulled her legs up to her chest. She was warm.

The nurse peaked her head in the door way of the waiting room, "Can I get you anything to eat or drink? Coffee or tea?"

"No, thank you." Nicky said, trying to sound as polite as she could.

"Well, let me know if you change your mind. And you've got that blanket there that must be keeping you cozy. In a place like this hospital, it's the most comfort you're going to find." And the she left.

No. The most comfort Nicky could find in this hospital was currently unconscious, lying on a metal operating table with her head being stitched, or stapled or whatever they do, back together, most likely having some type of brain damage sink in, and not knowing if she would ever open her eyes again. That was her comfort, her mother.


	3. Chapter 3

Nicky looked at the clock.

1:48am.

Time was going by so slow.

Blood was everywhere.

Nicky wondered if they put all that blood back in her. They should have. They better have.

Nicky was scared. She had never felt so in the dark and unaware of her surroundings in her life. She never felt this unsure and this uneasy. And her eyes were begging for some sleep but there was no way she'd allow herself that luxury.

She stood up and began to pace, something she always did when she was worried about something. As she stood up she looked at the clock again.

2:02am.

'Alright, so the doctor should be coming back in an hour or so. Right? Not sure of the time anymore.' Nicky thought to herself. And she sat back down.

She heard footsteps and two people in conversation. This was the first sign of people Nicky had seen besides the nurse at the nurses' station since she had been in the waiting room. She just hoped it wasn't the doctor.

To her horror, the doctor that said he was doing the surgery came into the waiting room. He had splats of blood on various parts of his white coat. He immediately made eye contact with Nicky and the first thing that came to her mind, she said.

"You didn't want to change your coat, so you know, I don't have to look at my mother's blood all over you, that clearly did not decide to stay in her body?" Nicky so anxious.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to get down her as soon as I could." The doctor sounded sincere.

"Which is earlier than you said it would be." Nicky spat back. She didn't know why she kept stalling from what he had to say. Subconsciously she did not want to hear it, as much as her heart told her she did.

"Yes, I know. There was a problem."

"Oh my God." Nicky whispered as she sat down in the chair and the doctor sat across from her. She felt as though her neck was on the guillotine and she was bracing herself for the blade to drop.

"When we examined the wound," the doctor began. "we found that a piece of her skull got lodged into her brain."

With each word, Nicky felt her knees getting weaker and weaker and she was grateful she was already sitting.

"Is she alive?" Nicky felt tears form in her eyes at how real this question was.

"At the moment, yes."

"What does that mean?" Nicky's tears began to fall and the nurse that walked in with the doctor handed her a box of tissues. She felt her gut being carved out.

"Because of the bit of skull that got pushed into her brain, it was not as big of an area that we needed to fix as we thought initially." The doctor explained.

"So her surgery time was normal then?" Nicky was confused.

"Yes, however, because we pulled the bit of bone fragment out of her brain, we won't know the damage until she wakes up."

"So she will wake up?"

"That is something that we don't know either."

"Did you get all of the blood put back in her?" Nicky was borderline sobbing at this point. She sounded so small, like a child.

"Yes, that was the first thing we did." The doctor nodded his head.

"When you said there was a problem, what did you mean then? Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out what you're telling me. Nothing seems to be sticking." Nicky sniffled.

"The problem I was referring to was the bone fragment. That means that there most likely is some sort of brain damage because of the location it was pushed into."

"What, so like memory loss? Loss of hearing? That type of thing?" Nicky didn't know how to get across what she meant. Or maybe she was being very clear, she couldn't tell. Her mind was on her mother's smile. That's all she could think about this entre time, her mommy's smile. She had no idea why that was the image in her head considering all that was going on. But she was grateful for it; it kept her warm.

"Possibly. Or it may be as severe as paralysis, or a vegetable state."

"Ok, ok, I can't do this anymore. Just come back when I can see her." Nicky whispered so quietly and broken.

"I'm sorry." And the doctor stood up and left, as did the nurse who came in with him.

Nicky looked at the clock.

2:30am.

Every now and then, she would glance beside her to make sure the little black bag was next to her. It was the thing Red told her to get out of the safe. Once while in the waiting room she peeked inside but only saw a small box. Not wanting to be snoopy, she decided to wait for Red to do with it what she wanted.

Miserably tired, miserably hungry, and miserably worried, Nicky sat with the blanket wrapped around her, her knees up to chest and face buried in her hands, crying uncontrollably.


	4. Chapter 4

"Ms. Reznikov? Ms. Reznikov?" Nicky felt someone shaking her shoulder. She must have drifted off to sleep.

"Ms. Reznikov?" the doctor said.

"Ms. Reznikov?" Nicky repeated.

"Yes, Nichole Reznikov. Galina Reznikov has you listed her as her daughter. That is you isn't it?" The doctor was double checking some kind of chart as if looking for reassurance.

Nicky couldn't help but smile. The first real sense of her mother since all of this happened.

"Just call me Nicky."

"Alright, Nicky, I have some good news and some bad news." The doctor got so serious it whipped the little smile right off of her face and put her back into fearing life mode.

"The good news is, your mother is awake."

"Oh my God." For the first time, tears that weren't stemmed from sadness sprang to Nicky's eyes and a small, genuine smile played at the corner of her lips. "May I see her now?" Nicky almost pleaded.

"You may. But the bad news is, she doesn't seem to know where she is, what has happened to her, or who anyone is. Which is an indication that there certainly has been brain damage done. Now whether it is permanent or temporary, time will only tell. It is also crucial that for no reason should you get frustrated with her or try to make her understand anything; that will only confuse her and frustrate her." The doctor explained.

"I know how to talk to my mother." Nicky sounded way more defensive then she meant to be, but she supposed it was natural. She did, after all, of course this entire time demand the best for her mother.

"Take me to her." Nicky grabbed the little black bag and stood up. The doctor followed suit and led her out the waiting room and towards an elevator.

"She is on the 4th floor, room 429. She may have fallen asleep, she is on a lot of medication. Remember, she won't know who you are. It'll be a shock for you both I'm sure."

"Thanks for making sure she didn't die. That's really all I care about." Nicky stated as blunt as ever she was.

She did not even knock, but she did open the door slowly, so as not to startled her fragile mother. She was trying so hard no to cry because she didn't want to disturb her mom in anyway; but when she stepped into the room and looked at her mother, she had fallen asleep.

Nicky looked around for a clock.

4:30am.

Quickly, Nicky scanned the room for her vital signs. Breathing a sigh of relief, she saw that they were normal and she was just asleep. She had her normal skin color back, for which Nicky was grateful. And her chest was rising and falling at a pace that satisfied Nicky.

Nicky closed the door behind and was barely in the room. She looked at her mother and even though she knew Red would not hear her, she whispered anyways.

"Hey, Mommy. It's good to see you."

Nicky could feel her sinus start to work and her nose wrinkle.

"Why are you like this, Mommy? What happened? What happened to you?"

She could feel the tears about to hit her eyes.

"Why are there tubes and needles in you? Why are you hooked up to a machine?"

The tears formed in her eyes.

"Why can't you remember things?"

Her heart was breaking with each question she was asked.

"Are you going to wake up soon? I wanna talk to you, Mommy. I miss talking to you."

Tears silently slid down Nicky's cheeks as she began to walk towards the bed. She looked so peaceful lying there. She looked as though she weren't in bed and Nicky hoped that that was the case. Red didn't deserve pain. Red deserved nothing but good things and good feelings.

She hesitated, but it was her instinct so she went with it. Nicky brushed her fingers up and down Red's arm. She was warm, like she should be. The longer Nicky observed her mom, the more relaxed she felt. Perhaps her being in surgery wasn't the entire reason Nicky was so worried and nervous. Maybe some of it was the fact that she just wasn't with her, physically with her. When Nicky was with Red, she felt more calm automatically. Red has always had that effect on her, always. Red always said it was their bond and Nicky would have to agree.

There wasn't much room in the bed, so Nicky grabbed a chair that was in the corner and pulled it as close to the bed as she could get it. She put the little black bag on the floor next to her and wrapped the blanket around her. She sat in the chair and leaned over so that her head was resting in Red's lap.

Nicky let out a big sigh. She was with her mommy again; all was well in that department but Nicky feared what it would be like for Red to not remember who she is. Pushing that thought aside, she nestled her head into her mother's lap and quickly fell asleep, thinking that she wouldn't rather be anywhere in the world, in this type of situation or not, than by her mother's side.


	5. Chapter 5

_2 hours and 45 minutes later._

Pain. All she felt was pain in her head. It hurt so bad. Red had never experienced anything like this before. And what was that weight on her legs? Slowly, she opened her eyes and it took them a minute to focus. She looked down and saw a big bunch of bushy hair. Beautiful brown curls. This seemed to make the pain in her head subside to a bearable level. She knew those curls; she could spot them a mile away. It was her Nicky. Her beautiful girl. How relieved she was that she was here with her.

Red stuck her hand out slowly, which to her surprise was shaky, and placed it on the back of Nicky's head. She gently stroked her hair and played with her curls. Nicky always loved it when red did that; whether it was through one of those nasty detoxes or just to help her get to sleep. Out of nowhere, she started to cry. The thought of her current situation and the hell Nicky must be going through because of it made her heart ache. She continued to run her fingers through Nicky's hair for a while longer. She had a daughter who would do anything for her, who would even die for her because she loved her so much. And that is what kept her going.

Nicky felt something on her head but thought it was just a dream. She opened her eyes but continued to feel her hair being played with.

RED!

But Nicky wanted to enjoy this moment, so without moving or making any sign that she might be awake, Nicky laid there on her mother's lap while her mother played with her hair. If she was being completely honest with herself, Nicky thought she would never have a moment like this again. To go from it never being possible again only 4 hours ago, to it's happening now, is a type of surrealism that Nicky never knew existed. It almost felt imagined, and that just proved to Nicky had good she had it in life. She had a mother who would do anything for her, who would even die for her because she loved her so much. And that is what kept her going.

After about a half hour or so of not being able to take the suspense any longer, Nicky turned her head up to Red, who to Nicky's surprise, had tears streaming down her cheeks, which immediately set the tears off in Nicky.

"I love you." Red said through her tears.

"I love you too." Nicky responded, believing that she could not have heard a more beautiful sentence coming from her mother at this point.

"How are you feeling?" Nicky sat up.

"I have the worst headache of my life. It hurts so bad." Red scrunched her face up as another wave of pain went surging through her skull.

"Crying is only going to add to the pressure." Nicky said softly.

"I can't help it if it hurts." Red winced which made Nicky wince.

"I'll go find a nurse and see if they can give you more medicine." Nicky stood up to leave when she felt Red grab her hand.

"But are you ok?"

As Nicky was about to answer, a nurse happened to walk in.

"Good morning. I heard you two talking and figured it was an ok time to see how you're doing. Can I get you anything, Mrs. Reznikov?" The nurse asked politely.

Before Red got the chance, Nicky blurted out,

"She needs more medicine. She is in pain."

"Well we can fix that in no time." The nurse walked over to wear Red's IV was an injected something into it.

"What is that?" Nicky asked as if she were a concerned mother not wanting anyone to harm her child.

"It is just a bit of morphine. I've upped the dose so she should be feeling a real difference within seconds. If not, just give us a buzz." And she gestured to the 'Nurse' button in the side of the bed, then she left.

"Better?" Nicky asked looking back at Red.

"Better." Red replied, wearing the truth of it on her face.

"Good." Nicky said smiling.

"Now, are you ok?" Red asked as if getting back to business.

"What do you mean?" Nicky asked, kind of knowing where this was headed.

"I fall in the shower and scream your name. You find me, naked on the shower floor with as much blood as you've ever seen all at one time coming from my head. You thought I was going to die. I want to know if you are ok." Red finished in a tone that sounded as though she was trying to ween the truth out of 7-year-old.

Nicky could not prevent it, she burst into tears. It was the first time she allowed herself to expression how she was feeling about herself rather than how she was feeling about Red.

"Haven't…thought about…me." Nicky managed between sobs. "Only…you…"

"Shhh, my sweet girl. And that is one of the million and a half reasons I love you. You are very selfless and caring. You make your mother proud." Red began to tear up herself.

"Come." Red slid over in the bed so Nicky could climb in. Once settled in, Nicky put her head on Red's shoulder, minding her head, and Red put her arm around her daughter. Nicky was still crying.

"Shhh, my girl."

"I was so…scared…oh my God…" Red simply put a finger to Nicky's lips and wiped her cheek stained tears.

"Well you don't have to be anymore, honey. I'm alright, I'm here…with you." Red comforted her and brushed her hair with her fingers once more.

"Did they tell you I woke up just before the surgery?" Red asked her softly.

"No... they didn't." Nicky managed between sniffles.

"Well I did. And you know the first thing I said was your name. I called out for you, I screamed for you. They told me to calm down because my screams were causing my head to experience more pressure. But you know what? I didn't stop. I was begging anyone who would like at me if they knew where you were or if you could come to me. I needed you and they wouldn't let me have you. That feeling of being denied my beautiful daughter in a time when I thought I wasn't going to wake up again was worse than all of this." Red finished with tears flowing like little water falls but somehow her voice stayed steady.

Nicky's voice, on the other hand was anything but steady. "Really?" She almost whimpered.

"You are my world, Nicky." And red squeezed Nicky's shoulder giving her as close to a tight hug as she could. "My last thought before they put the mask on me and told me to count backwards from ten, was your smile. Just your beautiful smiling face."

"Mommy?" Nicky sounded like a small child.

"Hmm?"

There was a point in the waiting room, it was when they were telling me how your surgery went, when all I could think about was your smile and I have no idea why."

Red kissed Nicky's temple.

"Well now maybe you know why, my sweet girl." And they both were silent for a few moments, enjoying being with each other.

"I have just one more question."

"If you had a thousand questions I'd answer them."

"In just these 8 hours or so I've missed you so much. But maybe it feels like an eternity since I thought…I thought…" Nicky stammered.

"It's ok, Nicky. You don't need to finish that sentence. In fact, I don't want you to. I'm here, right here. And I'm not going anywhere. I understand what you are feeling because I felt the same way about you. Even though I would've been the one gone, I still would be gone without you." Red was holding Nicky close and Nicky felt her heat warm.

"When we were in the ambulance, and I told you if you go, I go- "

"I know you meant it." Red finished for her. "I know."

"You're the best mom."

This took Red by surprise and she got a lump in her throat. There were countless times Nicky could say something, at the right moment that would catch Red completely off guard and this was one of those moments. It pulled on her heartstrings so much so, she would tear up immediately every time.

"But what I wanted to ask you, what's in the little black bag?" Nicky's curiosity had been slowly eating at her.

"Oh, yes. Hand it to me would you?"

As Nicky was reaching for it, Red asked "Did you have trouble with the combination?"

"Not really. But two days after I got into Litchfield, what is so special about that day?"

"That, my sweet girl is the day you became my daughter, November 20th. Isn't that a thing that parents use their child's birthday for various combination and passwords?" Red beamed at Nicky.

Nicky's smile was the type to melt a parent's heart, which Nicky had a habit of doing.

"Now Nicky this is something very important and I thought if I never was able to, that shouldn't prevent you from having this."

Out of the bag, Red pulled out the little box and handed it to Nicky.

"I wanted you to have this for the longest time. I've kept it from you because I was waiting for the perfect moment, but seeing how last night's events played out, I figured it was a now or never situation. Now I wake up and realize it is a now or later situation but I pick now. So go on and open it." Red finished with a huge smile.

Nicky slowly took the lid off of the box and looked. Inside there was a beautiful gold Italian horn on a gorgeous thin gold chain. Nicky's eyes teared up.

"You see, it means something. There is an Italian flag across the top there. See?" Red pointed to it as if showing Nicky something as fragile as a gear inside a wrist watch. "The colors of the Italian flag, Red being me and I know your favorite color is green, and the white is the glue that keeps us together." Red finished, sounding so mesmerized by the symbolism.

"Wow, Mommy. It's beautiful. I love it." Nicky kissed Red's cheek and sat up to put it on. Without asking for help, red took the two ends from Nicky's struggling fingers and clipped the necklace on her.

"Thank you, Mommy. It makes me want to go to Florence like we always talked about." Nicky joked.

"Ahh, but my girl, look."

To Nicky's amazement, Red pulled out of the bag in a side pocket Nicky hadn't noticed before, a rather large, very large envelope and handed it to Nicky.

Nicky took the envelope from Red and looked inside. Nicky had no idea how many 100 dollar bills there were but she stopped after 22.

"Are you serious?" Nicky's eyes filled with tears.

"We are going to Florence, my dear. As soon as I can get out of here and am good to go."

"Holy shit, Ma. There is a lot more money for a week's vacation in here though." Nicky was amazed.

"Well I guess we will just have to, what is it? Go house hunting?" Red smiled.

"You're joking? You're fucking joking?" Nicky was lost for words.

"I'm not joking, this is happening. We are going to buy a house in Florence." Red's eyes once again filled with tears at the site of her daughter being so happy. Something that a mother couldn't stop even if she wanted to, was happiness at the site of her child happy.

"Where'd all this money come from?" Nicky asked curiously.

"It was the money that I had made while in the mob that I guess the feds couldn't trace. The day I went back to the old apartment, I went to check just to see and there it was, in the safe under the floor board of the closet." Red said in a kind of proud way that she was able to hide it so well.

"This is incredible, Ma. I love you." And Nicky hugged Red. "You really are the best mom."

"I'm only the best mom because I have you." Red said in Nicky's ear and then kissed the top of her head. They held their embrace for a few moments.

A knock on the door startled them and then the doctor walked in.

"Hello, how are you doing Mrs. Reznikov?"

"Just fine, as soon as I can get out of here I will be great." Red said probably a little too seriously for the doctor's liking.

"Well that might be sooner than we thought. After getting your CT Scan results, which we took just after your surgery while you were still out, it turns out the bone fragment did not cause any internal bleeding of the brain, which is what we feared." The doctor explained.

"So what are you saying?" Nicky wanted to know.

"I'm saying her only injury that we were concerned with besides the memory loss was a bleeding brain. Since there is no bleeding in the brain, she only has to treat her head carefully as if she has a bruise on it and she will be ok to be discharged this afternoon." The doctor finished, smiling.

"Do either of you have any questions?"

"No." Red replied, so happy to have heard the words discharged this afternoon. She hated hospitals.

"Yeah, I've got one." Nicky piped up. "Before I came in here to see her you said she had memory loss and you just mentioned again that she had it. But when she woke up this morning, she knew exactly who I was and what had happened to her. What's that about?"

"Well I can assure you that when she woke up from surgery she did not know her name, the day of the week, what state she lived in, or what happened to her. But it is possible that a loved one can have an effect that basically triggers all memories of a traumatic scene if that loved one was present when the trauma happened. So I suppose, you had that effect on her."

"Alright, thanks for the answers, doc." Nicky got up and looked at Red, "Ma, I'll be right back, I'm going to use the restroom."

And she walked out of the room.

"You know you have a pretty protective and demanding daughter when it comes to the care and attention you were receiving. She kept asking questions and was having me promise that I would give you all of the medicine you asked for. She said even if you got a paper cut than I'd better put Neosporin and a bandage on it." The doctor recalled with amusement.

"Oh, yes. That sounds like my Nicky."

"Well, she's a good kid." And the doctor smiled and left the room.

"No." Red said allowed to no one in particular as a single tear of pride for her daughter fell down her cheek. "She is a great kid."

 _1 month later._

"Are you ready, Ma?" Nicky was practically jumping in line to get onto the airplane.

They were on their way to Florence, Italy. A dream come true for them both.

"My sweet girl, if I thought I could, I would be jumping up and down with you." Red smiled at her.

They showed their passports and plane tickets and were both walking down the tunnel to get onto the plane. When suddenly Red stopped to look out the window at the city in the distance they were leaving behind.

"Everything alright, Ma?" Nicky asked concerned.

"Yes, I just am saying goodbye to the city is all." Red said, feeling a little sentimental which was very rare unless it had something to do with Nicky.

"Well Florence is waiting. Are you ready?" Nicky sounded like a little kid dragging her mom on the newest roller coaster at an amusement park.

Red looked at her daughter and thought all at once how beautiful she is, how much love she felt for her daughter, how lucky she was to have her in her life, and how much her daughter loved her.

Red replied, "If you go, I go."


End file.
